Receivers, Shifters, Givers: The Roles in our Story
I just finished a book series from Don Miguel Ruiz and his son, Don Jose. It highlights very simple, yet profound agreements they outline in order to life a profound and fulfilled life.
When I finish a whole book (or series in this case), I take a moment to think to myself of the meaning of what was received, why I picked up the book or series in the first place. I took the time to read them, took my schedule and made time for them so they must hold some meaning…otherwise why pick up the book in the first place?
The meaning of these books rang so true and clear for me I was (and still am) excited to implement the teachings into my day-to-day activities, relationships and beyond.
~What is Received/Learned~
What we’re given in life is a lot of stories and choices. Stories from our parents: rules of house, family, and self. The family rules vary from “we go to church on Sundays”, “we have our Friday grill meal”, “if you touch that stovetop you’ll hurt yourself”. From simple to complex these stories come from. You can think out loud the various stories which our parents tell us rules of house and family. Most of the family stories are quite simple in nature, but when we go to the rules/stories of family and how our Self is involved…things get complex.
The complex stories I’m talking about are those that shift your perspective, how you move through beliefs and views on topics that connect you to yourself and you to your world. Religion, Sexuality, War, Peace, Politics and other topics in which conversation and communication happen to you, not with you. You are told what the family believes, but until mid-way through your educational upbringing might you get the chance to actually question and investigate the stories, beliefs and views you were brought up to believe.
~What is Shifted~
When you reach a certain time in your upbringing, you hit the age of Individuality and Growth. This may happen later in high school but primarily when you hit the college scene. The reason why this happens is because your family/tribe is less and less involved in your decisions. Your schedule is somewhat dictated to you, but you have the choice to prepare or procrastinate in your studies. Weekend plans are usually spend in or around campus, with you having the decision to go home or not. Once this shift of Individuality begins to grow, there may be certain viewpoints on the complex stories (Religion, Politics, Sexuality) that also begin to shift. Your friends and peers are of your own choosing, unless you desire and are dependent on social groups in order to “fit in”. With all of this shifting of groups, your views on topics/beliefs may get questioned/challenged to the point of you not even knowing what you believe. There even may be an extreme shift so much as original stories given to you (by parents, teachers, mentors) are let go to accept shifted/new ones. This time can be very trying, especially if your beliefs and support system is still tied up into others. This phase can go on for an extended period of time. For some it may be just the college years, but for others it can still go on into 30’s, 40’s, even beyond 50’s. The duration of this phase is at the pace of the individual.
~Our Role, the Givers~
This phase in our life is the most humbling, rewarding, yet without awareness extremely frustrating role we can become. Most don’t get there, relying on old stories, rules and systems of thought.
Once we get to this point, we are ready and able to share our own stories to our young ones. The ones that come to us for advice, help, guidance, support, you name it. They are dependent on you and you have the life experience and wisdom in order to help others well. As long as the goal of the advice/support is Love-oriented, the words that will be shared will also be in Love. Our role will be a very exciting and other-focused, since helping others is in its own action selfless.
The one danger of this role is our own Egos. They are the voice within that want the way to be our way, our story, our advice, our knowledge. The ego will try everything in its power to sway your words, lace your mind with Fearful Doubt, and there will be times where it will win.
The other danger, the one we aren’t even in control of is this: The ones we give advice to, share our stories/rules to, might not even follow them. They will, under their own choice, succeed or fail.
…regardless of our advice or not.
We, the Givers of Love, must know that our words and stories, our rules and “the way it should be’s” worked out only for us; our stories/journey. Those stories/rules might not work for them though. The ones that come to us for advice/help are trying to learn, since they are in the phase of learning (the phase of Receiving/Learning). In order for the future Receivers to easily go through the Shift we must give our advice/stories in Love, knowing very well that the Receivers will shift our of our stories/rules and into their own. It may turn out well for them, maybe not. It is not up to us to control someone else’s life.
…we only have energy enough to be in control of our own.