To be honest, this post will be difficult to hit “send” because
this will outline a lot of what I always think of as my failures. I know I should
more look at them as things that make me me, the journey and the things that I
learned along the way, so maybe after I therapeutically put it all out I will hopefully
have a different mindset.
I grew up in Le Mars, IA – Ice Cream Capitol of the World.
Wells Blue Bunny Ice Cream was/is made at my hometown, and it was a HUGE staple
of what the town boasted. Really I think the title of the town should not be “Ice
Cream Capitol of the World” but more-so “Wells Blue Bunny Ice Cream – the main
thing that is really keeping this town thriving”. Growing up though in the town
was a great experience – great family, friends, and neighbors; it seemed like
everywhere you went people were happy, would always wave, and the feel of the
town is really cozy.
Along with the title though, I had terrible eating habits. Ice
cream was pretty much a staple of my diet, so I had it regularly. Fast forward
into my college days and even though my eating habits got slightly better, it
wasn’t at all Utopian in nature.
I got my Music Education degree from Morningside and had a
good outlook for my education career – I thought, “Now my experiences/lessons
learned at Morningside will show up in the students I teach out in the
classroom, wherever it may be.”
…at the time I didn’t realize that a huge punch-line of a
joke was already being sent my way.
I taught 2 years in Gowrie, IA.I would’ve taught longer, but
due to budget cuts, school closings, and me being one of the newest hires, I
knew my number was up. I moved to Omaha because at the time (and still now) Amy
had a job at the Nebraska Medical Center.
After marriage, I realized how my weight got out of control
and that I really needed to get things in check. I got extremely serious about
my health, because my Why is simply this: longer years on this Earth with my
wife and future family—Period. Straight-forward goal, and I got to work. I lost
65 pounds doing so through P90X (Thanks, Tony!), and from there became a
Beachbody Coach, helping others to achieve their fitness goals as well.
I finally got a job at St. Albert Catholic HS starting in
the Fall, and it lasted about 2 years. I decided it wasn’t for me due after
that period of time due to the facts of 1) Never becoming full-time, 2) No
benefits, 3) 23-30 minute drive one-way, and most importantly, 4) It took a lot
of time away from Amy and I.
So I did the gig-ing thing that only an actor knows well to
do: taught lessons at a few schools, did some shows at the Rose Children’s
Theater, and got more involved with my Beachbody business. I found a job at
CRAVE being a server, but I informed them I wanted to not end up as a full-time
server and grow into management (a field I was slightly interested in at the
time).
Well, now I find myself as a Supervisor at CRAVE and helping
people achieve their fitness goals with my help and through Team Beachbody.
Lately I’ve been thinking of all of the things I’ve done,
the jobs I’ve held, the people I’ve met, and I sit here typing and thinking, Am I really happy?
Am I happy that I have a job that pays well? Yes. Is it my
dream job? Definitely not. My dream job used to be doing the Broadway route,
auditioning for gigs, serving tables, and finding my way through shows and how
to eat efficiently. Now my priorities are different. I’m more and more focused
on family than ever, and with my current status (of jobs, location, life)—I’m
not settled. I love helping people achieve their goals (fitness, personal), and
I want more of that. I want a job that when I wake up I look forward and one
that I really want to give it my all. I’m not saying I half-ass my way through
work, because when I’m on the clock, I put 110% in what I do, but off the clock
I find myself not liking it for more reasons than the reasons why I like it.
That’s wrong, right? Isn’t our goal for us and what our parents
want for us is to be happy and have it better than what they had?
My dream job is this: Helping others achieve their goals,
and knowing that my help got them to that goal. I want to still be involved in music/acting, but more on a "at-home" music basis and community-involved. I’m also interested in acting,
but voice-acting. If you know me at all you know I like to do
voices/impersonations. Finding the voice-over job, health/wellness job through
helping others, and having time to be with Amy is my dream that I repeat in my
head time and time again hoping that someday I’ll wake up and my dream is a
reality.
I have faults, and I’m not perfect. I still struggle with
trusting myself to achieve my own goals. I still have issues with sweets/ice
cream (just talk to Amy – I become a vampire with ice cream as the blood to
consume). I workout, but I have my moments (whether a day or sometimes more
than 2-3 days) where I don’t eat healthy and I need that push from my friends/family.
I love wine, and sometimes too much so. There was a time in the past where I
found drinking to be the nice escape from stress of jobs, family, and
relationships with others/situations. I focus frequently on the future, but at
times so much so I forget what is going on right in front of me and don’t
complete tasks that should be done sooner than later.
I’m not meaning this blog post to be “oh, woe is me” or “look
at my story”, but I need to type this out and get it off my chest once and for
all.
I’m stressed out about the career that I’m in and I don’t
know where to go from here – I feel extremely stuck. At times I revive old
grudges at individuals/situations that brought me to this place where I’m at
and I blame them for how I got here.
Bottom line: Situations got me here, some controlled and
others uncontrolled, but it’s up to me to get where I want to be. I am and
always will work on my faults, improve myself everyday, and I’ll look for
opportunities to be better in the future. I love reading self-help/inspirational
books. I really do love working out – I feel good afterwards. I love playing
games. I love hanging out with people, and especially catching up with old friends.
I love coffee (sometimes more than others depending on how much sleep I got),
and I currently have a love for Teavana tea J.
I love my wife, Amy, and doing this journey all over again Amy would still be
my choice.
-----
I do feel better posting this, and to those that
are reading it and feel a bit of commonality with me, know that you are not
alone. I think it’s one of life’s riddles to figure out what really your true purpose
is in life, and it’s up to the experiences/people/places/actions taken that
figure out the answer in the end.
Take care all --- Stakman
